An Unsent Love Letter

A letter to you,

You weren't supposed to mean this much to me but you do. It's scary to know you've actually helped me grow as a person because it's going to hurt like hell when you leave.

I swore it'd be a very long time before I allow myself to feel this way about someone again. I can't thank you enough for the beautiful parts about myself you opened my eyes to. You taught me to love what I hate about myself and to always stay true in terms of my kind heart. You're the only person I'd consider breaking my rules for and I'm trying to figure out whether that's a good or bad thing. My solitude is something I deeply crave more than anything, especially this year considering it's been the year that has taught me the significance of self-healing and self-love. But your presence is the next thing I deeply crave and it sucks because certain shit in our lives won't allow us to be around each other as much as we want to. I knew I was fucked when I started to have my "I'm okay now" moments as soon as I went to you whenever things took for a turn. As a person who chooses to suffer in silence, I think it means something more to me whenever I think about how transparent I am with you. You've accepted me for me and still unconditionally care about me in a way I'm not used to. I can't even begin to fathom your role in my life. You've grown to become one of my best friends and again, I can't thank you enough for everything you've done in regards to my well-being and our relationship.

Our bond is something I'm always going to be extremely grateful for. Your existence is something I'm always going to appreciate. I wouldn't be the person I am now if it wasn't for you. You taught me patience, perseverance, pure altruism, and a bunch more. Caring for you in the most purest way I know has taught me more about myself in one whole year than anything else.

I like to think I'm the only person who knows how dark and disconnected I can get from the world. Knowing this, somehow the light brightens just for you even when it doesn't want to. In a way you're my weakness and again, I'm still trying to figure out whether that's a good or bad thing.

All in all, I'm still struggling to accept my feelings for you and how real they've become. I'm still struggling to balance everything in my life and I miss you when you're not around. With all the chaos in my life, you're the little bubble of peace I so desperately need sometimes.

You weren't supposed to mean this much to me but you do.