Glow & Golden

A letter to you,

You are my best friend, my safe zone, the only thing I'm sure of in this chaotic life of mine. I've said it once and I'll say it again, everything is nothing if it's not with you. We've spent a decent amount of time consisting of laughter, frustration and hope. You pursued me during a time in my life where I really wanted nothing to do with lust or love. But then you happened. And we happened. We loved. I loved hard. I love you deeply. You taught me so much. I hate admitting it but you taught me to love everything I hate about myself. You taught me that it's not my fault; it's the universe that's shitty and that I shouldn't let it win because I'm golden. You've told me one too many times, "you always glow, you're always golden." Since day one you've complimented my soul and eventually you made me want to become a better person for you, for myself and for the world. You've always highlighted my importance during the necessary times and I can't thank you enough for that.

I haven't known you for too long but you know my darkest secrets that only my two best friends from high school know. The experiences and memories I've shared with you has taught me more about myself, my standards, my environment and so much more. For a while I've been scared to open myself up to someone new but I did it. I'm glad to have loved you to my fullest because at least now you know what it's like to be purely loved. I think that's something everyone deserves to experience at least once in their lifetime. One of the purest moments I'll always think back to is the exact moment when I realized you're truly my safe zone. You didn't know but at the moment I was going through one of my depressive mood swings. Aside from that, my usual chest pain kept feeling tighter as the day passed. One of the things that bothered me the most was that my heart was racing faster than normal, even when I was just trying to lay down and relax. The interesting part was when you sat next to me and began to caress my head like you usually do, but this time your warm touch slowed my heart rate back to normal and eased my chest pain. I didn't think it was actually possible for the body to physically react to someone you love the way mine did with your presence. You calmed me down without even trying and without even knowing. It's like you know but you don't know. You're just there already making things better. This is what I was scared of: attachment.

You've understood and accepted me for me. You've never tried to change me. You've never tried to belittle me. It's small things like this that means the most to me. I don't know where our future stands but all I know is that I'm happiest with you by my side.

Life happens. Words can't describe how happy I am for you but words also can't describe how broken I am for us. I know things have to go to an end soon. So for now, I'll just end this letter with: I miss and love you more everyday even though I probably shouldn't.